tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-271260422024-03-07T03:52:56.244-05:00Isabel Swift...Wouldn't you like to know?What would you like to know? Thoughts about relationships, romance, storytelling and a bit of everything else. Whenever...Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.comBlogger187125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-21819025140590757682020-10-16T13:47:00.003-04:002020-10-16T14:01:18.413-04:00Selfchat<span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;">I'm coining the term. This is a vital arrow in the quiver of personal comfort, offering not only the feeling of being listened to, but of having someone who knows you well on your side.</span><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;">We're in lockdown--at least some of us non-essential non-workers are. We're spending a lot of time with another person. Or alone. Which is worse? Don't answer that--there is no single answer, it depends.</span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;">Whatever--selfchat is exactly what you need. You might think it was only necessary or helpful when you're alone. No. It can be even more valuable for harmony and happiness when you're with another.</span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;">Yes, you're right. There is an old-fashioned term that now feels loaded, fillled with negative connotations, shame, worthlessness--indeed "craziness". We eschew this attitude, along with the naming and shaming. We are not, as those out-of-it unawares might say "<i>talking to myself</i>." We are enjoying a selfchat.</span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;">With selfchat, you always know someone is listening--and listening both attentively and sympathetically! </span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;">Selfchat is there to acknowledge a good idea, an achievement, a game effort that may not have turned out quite as planned, nice try! Or a moment of clarity, an insight. It's a Yes! you're on it, looking good, almost there, you go girl!</span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;">But selfchat also is there for you in your confusion and uncertainty--what the hell was that? Why did that happen? Where did I put it? I know I put it there, where is it? Why is it hiding from me? Was it because I said it wasn't my favorite? Come out, you're in the top ten favorites. Why can't I ever remember that! Wha--!?</span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;">Selfchat is also there to galvanize you, to demand action, to address an issue, fix a problem, and Just Do It. C'mon, how hard could it be? Focus! Get it done. Now. What do you need to do first? You can't get something to eat until you finish this. Well, you should have thought of that before....</span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;">Selfchat is not universally positive, it seeks to inspire, instruct but most essentially: acknowledge. </span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;">Out loud, so you can hear it. Saying something out loud allows you to bear witness to yourself. When something is heard, it goes into your ear canal and is processed differently than an inchoate internal feeling. When you hear something out loud, that means someone is talking to you, telling you something they think you should hear. And you should listen. And you usually do!</span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;">Even if you're not alone, it's doubtful that whomever you're with will notice, express sympathy, give you just the right amount of encouragement, sympathy, inspiration...acknowledgement, that is hoped for, needed, on occasion: craved. It's just not going to happen--certainly not 100% of the time. </span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;">That's where selfchat steps into the breach. </span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-family: helvetica;">Stop waiting for the perfect comment or response--you know exactly what it is: say it.</span></div>Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-75178004133146407912017-09-26T15:30:00.000-04:002017-09-26T15:30:51.504-04:00Wonder....<br />
I was sitting on the porch with a writer friend who was describing her recent trip and sharing her interesting insights and observations.<br />
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At one point, she started a sentence with, "I wonder…" paused, and then added, "perhaps I wonder a <i>little too much</i>."<br />
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I am a wonderer. I expect I wonder a little too much.<br />
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Some people are not wonderers, but most of us usually have elements in our lives that we wonder about.<br />
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When you find someone that wonders about the same kinds of things you wonder about, you can talk for hours! Speculating, parsing information, hypothesizing about alternative outcomes, tossing in a monkey wrench that causes your collective speculative house of cards to completely collapse and need to be rebuilt.<br />
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You can be friends with someone with a personality that isn't very compatible with yours, but if you have this in common, you can enjoy their company & treasure your conversations.<br />
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Wondering is not an exercise enjoyed only by ivory tower academic intellectuals, nor is it a female trait. For example everyone enthusiastic about a sport spends a lot of time wondering. The now popular fantasy teams are built around the delight people feel about playing with a complex mathematical set of probabilities, demonstrating a deep knowledge of all the moving parts and wondering and hypothesizing about outcomes.<br />
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Conversely if somebody wonders about something you don't wonder about, you find them a crashing bore. Or even if you're slightly interested in the subject and they go in for a deeper dive, you lose traction and start rolling your eyes.<br />
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One of the gifts creative people<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px;">—</span>whether they be dancers, writers, performers, artists, storytellers in any medium<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">—</span>give us, is to share their sense of wonder about something with us. And illustrate that wonder and delight through their work.<br />
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We often choose to experience things we are already interested in, but one of the gifts of diversity (spouses, friends, etc.) is seeing things you aren't particularly interested in or don't wonder about and discovering a new perspective, an unexpected insight and sense of wonder. A new world may open, like suddenly having a flower open and display its beauty when you didn't even notice the bud.<br />
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Wondering is slow.<br />
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It is squatting by tide pool and spending time looking at what initially looks like a bunch of rocks and water and discovering the teeming life within. Of looking at a pile of garbage and realizing every element was grown, manufactured, packaged, marketed, purchased, enjoyed before ultimately being discarded. Every element in that pile had a life from birth to its present state of awaiting burial.<br />
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Everything, everybody has a story.<br />
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We choose which stories interest us, are valuable to us<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px;">—</span>or are thrust upon us.<br />
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And our priorities can be different.<br />
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One viewer can be totally focused on the nuance of a story, the process, the character's motivations. Another on outcome, product, whodunnit, impatiently waiting for the answer while their colleague is delighting in exploring the question.<br />
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What do you wonder about?<br />
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Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-78311671388083344632017-04-08T14:34:00.001-04:002017-11-13T23:38:47.678-05:00Do you think you can control yourself?<br />
That is one of my favorite lines from early dating days. If you are of the female persuasion, you may have had similar early experiences. <br />
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The scenario: Boy from work holding a similar lowly position as your own asks you out. You know him, have a friendly relationship, he seems OK, cute, but not someone you're really interested in. Still, why not? So off you go to...movies? inexpensive dinner? (nobody's making much money at this point). Casual, perfectly nice. But then. Moves are made. <br />
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And I'm sure I'm not alone in demonstrating that girl-like kindness of allowing a kiss, because refusing it would be just too mean<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 12.0pt;">—</span>this is someone you'll see at work the next day, and really, what harm is there in being gracious (and perhaps a bit of...who knows? Maybe it will surprise me?). <br />
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And I'm equally sure I'm not alone in experiencing that startled <i>Ugh</i> moment of suddenly finding your mouth filled with someone else's tongue. <br />
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Even boys will know the feeling if they have ever slurped a raw oyster and realized that their choice was really far too large to take in one go, and that now your mouth is filled with something substantial, moist and unappealing. It's like that, although sometimes it wiggles about a bit.<br />
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After managing to extract the tongue & back off, I moved into the classic: 'This is not a good idea, we work together, it would be awkward, I like you & don't want to risk our friendship, etc. etc." The truth...but not the complete truth. He took that in thoughtfully, consideringly, and earnestly asked:<br />
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"Do you think you can control yourself?"<br />
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Dear Reader, yes. I said I thought I could.<br />
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But it opened a door for me regarding the difference between boys and girls (and please note that in my lexicon, males & females remain either a boy or a girl for the rest of their life). And it's a difference that is both acknowledged culturally, commercially, personally, and legally in a thousand ways, but is also unacknowledged and invisible in many ways.<br />
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For the most part, girls just don't have a problem "controlling themselves." Really, it's usually not hard for (most of) us.<br />
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But it's clearly harder for most boys<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 12.0pt;">—</span>you only have to look at various religious requirements, cultural norms, and startling actions to acknowledge that really, examples of reversing the situation would be hard to find. <br />
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This is just anecdotal, but I've simply never read a story of a woman coming across a drunk and unconscious man and having her way with him. Sure, there are logistic issues that make it tough, but I would posit that the compelling desire just isn't there.<br />
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If the Navy were run by women, I just don't think they'd be as tempted by <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/03/14/fat-leonard-leonard-glenn-francis-us-navy/99184404/">meals, alcohol and a bunch of prostitutes</a>. Maybe something else? Instant weight loss? A full night's sleep? Those would indeed be tempting<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 12.0pt;">—</span>we're only human!<br />
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Women don't seem to require that men wrap themselves from top to toe to ensure that our massive libidos don't get out of control. Indeed many religions seem to have determined that the sight of a woman's...<a href="https://www.leaf.tv/articles/how-do-jewish-women-dress/">hair,</a> eyes, <a href="http://islam.ru/en/content/story/dress-code-muslim-women">face, collarbones, arms, legs</a>, or just spending time<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 16px;">—</span>a meal perhaps<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 16px;">—</span>with them in the presence of alcohol appear to be simply more than any man can <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/03/pences-gender-segregated-dinners/521286/">handle</a>. <br />
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These religions (surely unnecessary to note that these religions are all invented by men and have men as their gods) clearly believe that men really can't control themselves. Or perhaps more accurately, shouldn't <i>have</i> to control themselves. Everyone else (aka women) need to accommodate their weakness. You get the <a href="http://www.pewforum.org/2016/04/05/restrictions-on-womens-religious-attire/">picture</a> (but DON'T look!). Christians, Muslims, Jews, whatever. Sad.<br />
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So I would just like to take a moment to give a big shout-out to those millions (and I do mean millions) of guys that clearly have iron control, and are able to live their lives<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 12.0pt;">—</span>seemingly fairly effortlessly<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 12.0pt;">—</span>wandering about with countless heads full of women's hair all about them, seeing women's faces, looking at scantily clad female bodies, even going so far as to eat a meal with them, and continuing to behave as normal human beings among other normal human beings, <i>even though those other human beings are in fact female human beings</i>. <br />
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You guys are amazing. Really. My hat's off to you (and I know I am safe in taking my hat off and exposing my hair because...well, you CAN control yourself). Thank you. Really.<br />
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But all of this gave me a new insight into male homophobia! If all those religious sects endorse the fact that men have no self-control<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 12.0pt;">—</span>or at least no obligation to exert it<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 12.0pt;">—</span>to the point that they cannot be alone with a woman who is not their wife, cannot look at a woman's hair, cannot <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4227922/Orthodox-Jewish-men-cause-bedlam-easyJet-flight.html">sit beside a woman</a>, etc. etc. <i>then what if the MAN they are sitting beside is...filled with uncontrollable thoughts about THEM! </i><br />
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Think about it. <br />
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<span style="background-color: #bd081c; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 26px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 1586px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><span style="background-color: #bd081c; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 26px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 1586px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><span style="background-color: #bd081c; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 26px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 1586px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><span style="background-color: #bd081c; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 26px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 1586px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span>Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-79485470900000348402016-09-24T00:07:00.003-04:002016-09-24T00:20:32.659-04:00Zombies<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You know how myths and legends are actually early stage psychiatry? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">They are stories that illustrate behaviors, offer life lessons and explore the dynamic between certain personalities. They demonstrate the impact of misunderstandings, the consequences of acting hastily and the importance of not dismissing people because they don't meet your assessment of being a valuable player. They remind us of the need for courtesy to all (really, you just never know), and countless other helpful guideposts to better understand and survive in this complex world.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Jealous Hera, mischievous Loki, the old beggar woman asking for alms, the simple son, witches, goblins, vampires, werewolves, zombies....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Zombies! Yes, it sounds a bit ridiculous. Despite Haitan folklore, Vodou, Voodoo, or whatever spelling or incantation you choose—or even the possibility that the Undead do indeed walk—our present Zombie craze is highly stereotyped and stylized. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But you perhaps never thought of the Undead as a valuable life lesson—an accurate explanation of what life is actually like. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Think again.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqK8HZ5cSHeHnzPQHVqaI_Ka6g3tyO6EQRLVU178QVdevGeuTbZDNeSH-QqNbLcRTmnF6JjwpEQww3BolP_DgCwNl1yqEGHmayi_hc1N82CY8DWGdPFWCvFdJdfrCZcXxNr55Usg/s1600/run-forest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqK8HZ5cSHeHnzPQHVqaI_Ka6g3tyO6EQRLVU178QVdevGeuTbZDNeSH-QqNbLcRTmnF6JjwpEQww3BolP_DgCwNl1yqEGHmayi_hc1N82CY8DWGdPFWCvFdJdfrCZcXxNr55Usg/s320/run-forest.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It all starts innocently enough, you're living your life, hanging out with your classmates, co-workers, colleagues, spending days, months, often years together, cordial, close, connected. You chat, share meals, share stories, share your life, your dreams, your experiences. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You think you are surrounded by humans, but all it takes is a change to clarify who in your group are the living dead—surviving off flesh or brains—and who are actually human. You graduate, your kids go to different schools, you move, you change jobs, you retire. Suddenly, you no longer have a brain or flesh worth eating—you have nothing to offer. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In fairness, you can't stay friends with everyone & the drifting apart is often mutual, but it's still an odd feeling to achieve invisibility with people you may have seen every day for years. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Retirement may be the most challenging adjustment, as other changes often just trade one group of the Undead for another. Opting out of the workforce can often eliminate your usefulness to others quite dramatically. Suddenly, you have nothing worth eating....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Visiting the old workplace you realize you are a ghost in the machine—invisible to most. Though it can sometimes be quite surprising who you are visible to, and to whom you have disappeared. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Just like in a Zombie film the humans are often not the ones you would expect.</span><br />
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Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-59665426386720876402016-09-15T09:17:00.000-04:002016-09-15T09:17:06.298-04:00Cantaloupe. Yes, really.<br />
It is likely that almost all the cantaloupe you have eaten--at least in America--has been unripe. Certainly every salad bar, every plastic box of cut up cantaloupe in the grocery store, every breakfast buffet, has served you unripe cantaloupe. It is a tribute to the deliciousness of cantaloupe that we all eat these fairly tasteless, hard chunks and think them not only edible, but OK.<br />
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If you think you like cantaloupe melons, please do yourself this favor. Buy one at the grocery store. Sniff the end where the vine came out and see if it smells like a cantaloupe. If it doesn't, put it back and try another. Fruit tastes like what it smells like, so if that beautiful peach doesn't smell like anything, than that's what it will taste like. You don't even need to trust me on that, just do your own experiment. It will be convincing.<br />
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Back to the cantaloupe: if it passes the sniff test, push gently simultaneously on the two ends to feel if there's any give. Usually there's not much, which is OK, it just means it's not ripe yet.<br />
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Take it home. Put it somewhere that is not the refrigerator: a windowsill, a shelf, a bowl. Every few days, give it a sniff, press the ends to see if there is more give, and give the cantaloupe a shake. You are listening for the sound of the interior seeds to have loosened from the inside wall and shake around.<br />
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You are waiting for your melon to ripen, and guess what? It will likely take over a week, possibly two. The cantaloupes you buy are UNRIPE and hard. They need to be to be able to ship and sit in stores and not get bruised. And most places can't afford to have them sit around for days/weeks to ripen before serving. But you can!<br />
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Allow your cantaloupe to ripen. Restrain yourself (I know, an un-American trait). Think of this as the Adult "marshmallow test." Until the seeds loosen, the cantaloupe isn't fully ripe. <br />
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Wait for it. It's worth the wait.Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-79815727810828433732016-08-24T00:15:00.001-04:002020-11-03T14:07:12.730-05:00It's easy to criticize......but I wish there were rules<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 12pt;">—</span>at least with any public criticism<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 12pt;">—</span>that required the critic to present a viable alternative (and "viable" is a key word here!). A sort of Thumper-like commitment that if you are going to say something negative, you have to provide a reasonable positive alternative. That would certainly shut a lot of people up (yours truly among others!).<br />
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Is there a better way of doing it? Is there a better choice? Think about it. Actually think.<br />
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If you do, you may determine that the results you are complaining about (sub-optimal as they may indeed be) are the really the best alternative.<br />
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Every day we all experience the complex algorithms we work with in daily life to get something accomplished. It could be the choices we make in getting our kids up, dressed, fed and out the door to school or it could be a business merger. We balance encouragement, threats, incentives (bribery), etc. to get the job done as well, as quickly, as effortlessly, as humanely (or not), as possible to motivate behavior and get the results we want or need.<br />
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That can make for a lot of complex juggling of timing, personalities, personal values, choices, priorities, mood, costs, external pressures etc. The end result often may not be ideal or what we had hoped for. But that's part of being an imperfect person in an imperfect world. Life doesn't usually give us "do-overs."<br />
<br />
The situations we and others face are rarely black and white. But especially with technology, we can make a judgment without any knowledge or context and we actually expect to be taken seriously.<br />
Complaints<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 16px;">—</span>especially now about politicians and the political process<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 12pt;">—</span>display a startling naïveté, absence of thought and a shocking lack of awareness of history.<br />
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I have to admit to being Kinseyan in my assessment of human behavior<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 16px;">—</span>if most people have been doing something for centuries, it is unlikely that any person, belief-system or rhetoric will be able to airbrush that behavior out.<br />
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It's not that change can't happen, it can. But it's a slow and hard fought battle and all the incremental gains can be easily lost. There needs to be a realignment of incentives (and there's usually no incentive to realign them) so it takes real thought and effective politics to get something done. If you can't read actual history, watch <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lincoln_(2012_film)">Lincoln</a> or <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_the_Way_(play)">All the Way</a> for an understanding of what it actually takes to get something done.<br />
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As a female, the history of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women%27s_suffrage">women's suffrage</a> is depressing<span style="font-family: "cambria";">—it's been barely a century (19th Amendment was August 18, 1920) in the USA, something to remember as Americans finger-point other countries' lack of gender equality. That's about 150 years into our nationhood, and there are still a fair number of Americans who are feeling a bit sad about it & would like to turn back the clock. Change takes time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "cambria";">Yes, it's easy to criticize. But it's far less appealing to <i>be</i> criticized, so before dishing it out, consider if there is a viable alternative </span>(and "viable" is a key word here!)<span style="font-family: "cambria";"> before excoriating the stupidity of others. </span><br />
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Judge something on its own merits/demerits: don't blame the peacock for its tail or wish it were a chicken and provided eggs.<br />
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<br />Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-35876220853767649022016-06-24T07:00:00.000-04:002016-06-24T07:00:19.340-04:00Self-brainwashing...<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy_0j2Bry2xwcK4W3waBEBhcGh9ioP_bG69bwrx_ccId4hdkxyad5v0bbfjHmpiUbvH9P9AgLqrzN7-WrsIyoGpSyVSdcwg8l61pESo4F0Up_ExO9v_KlRryCqagh9_XEiqZr98w/s1600/FunnyTimes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy_0j2Bry2xwcK4W3waBEBhcGh9ioP_bG69bwrx_ccId4hdkxyad5v0bbfjHmpiUbvH9P9AgLqrzN7-WrsIyoGpSyVSdcwg8l61pESo4F0Up_ExO9v_KlRryCqagh9_XEiqZr98w/s320/FunnyTimes.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">from my favorite paper: Funny Times</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know, most of America drives around in their own cars, but those city dwellers who find themselves in the back seat of a taxi or other hired conveyance may sympathize with the situation. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Many people that drive for a living have the radio on: talk radio, music, endless news, NPR. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have to confess, I am a big advocate for silence, and feel there should be a bi-partisan movement for the right to not have to listen to stuff (on airplanes, in elevators, in malls, etc.). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Sure, I could get (and indeed have) earphones. But I don't want to block out the world, I want to hear it<span style="font-size: 16px;">—</span>just not endless marketing jabber or musak or whatever.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But I am particularly unhappy with having to listen to endless news or much of talk radio. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There are a few talk radio stations whose goal is to be entertaining or informative. But most lure their listeners in with conflict, outrage, fear, danger, scary information, etc. like a fish with a dangler lure....</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg286n2lWndlRY-x5AIbVy4chWhmzaCP7T5qPUUVRC14WuF_LITSRB5L7o4HullTzbBNqdKrgu64UUNXlcxyF5gQFxAe49UNnYOdJnmd7O8BXi9bsgCngbWoSxfCljZdeZGhDZ8Cw/s1600/images-3.jpeg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg286n2lWndlRY-x5AIbVy4chWhmzaCP7T5qPUUVRC14WuF_LITSRB5L7o4HullTzbBNqdKrgu64UUNXlcxyF5gQFxAe49UNnYOdJnmd7O8BXi9bsgCngbWoSxfCljZdeZGhDZ8Cw/s200/images-3.jpeg" width="200" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">These kinds of shows—TV, radio, whatever—wind listener's clocks, pull their chain, and give them some frisson of energy—hate, fear, anger—which seems to be far more addictive and universal (clearly part of one's "<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/where-addiction-meets-your-brain/201404/your-lizard-brain">lizard brain</a>") than a feeling of peace, happiness, learning or engagement.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It exhausts me to listen to the streams of exhaust! And I don't have adequate shields to effectively block out noise. Yes, I freely confess, I can't pack with the TV on. It's just too distracting.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Propaganda works—if you hear information over and over again, it wears away at your critical faculty (if you have one). It's convincing, even it it's patently untrue and utterly ridiculous. If you see it, hear it, read it, talk about it it gets truthified through endless repetition. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I now not only ask the drivers to turn off the radio, but tell them to stop listening to this endless, depressing stream of fairly useless information. It isn't good for their outlook on life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It's all a creepy, voluntary self-brainwashing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I now feel much more charitable towards endless sports! But really, they should be reading romances....</span></div>
Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-9302373768664070422016-05-23T12:12:00.000-04:002016-06-09T22:04:06.907-04:00Criticism...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRIP8sOk_ETJg8YFxnEUDcgF-7C-8WwR1Q29z8n56rbGDLFfsHNdZYi__5fonaPPOC9-ZmhXujZ8-n76bTkZwme4isiw6yhkdeObbVT4f8ET1SOwrDjJNGXxsMOjTK7klwKUd3XA/s1600/captain_america__civil_war_poster_by_touchboyj_hero-d9nog4x.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRIP8sOk_ETJg8YFxnEUDcgF-7C-8WwR1Q29z8n56rbGDLFfsHNdZYi__5fonaPPOC9-ZmhXujZ8-n76bTkZwme4isiw6yhkdeObbVT4f8ET1SOwrDjJNGXxsMOjTK7klwKUd3XA/s320/captain_america__civil_war_poster_by_touchboyj_hero-d9nog4x.jpg" width="216" /></a></div>
I just read Anthony Lane's 5/16/16 <a href="http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/05/16/the-lobster-and-captain-america-civil-war">review </a>of "Captain America: Civil War" and "The Lobster" in <i>The New Yorker.</i> And, to semi-quote Peter Finch in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Network_(film)">Network</a>, I really just can't take it anymore!<br />
<br />
Clearly, Mr Lane has not gotten the excellent advice a friend gave me in college when I asked him (a little desperately): "What do you say when a friend asks you to read something they wrote and tell them what you think? What if you didn't like it? Do you risk the truth? Or lie for the sake of the friendship?"<br />
<br />
I'm not comfortable with a polite lie; it seems to denigrate the friendship. Yet very few really want to hear the unvarnished truth about something they have created, labored over and are taking the risk of sharing with you. <br />
<br />
What do you say?<br />
<br />
The advice, which I have internalized in assessing all creative work was: "Liking or not liking is not at issue. When you read something, think about what the creator was trying to accomplish. Did they achieve their goal?"<br />
<br />
This opened a door to looking at any material and considering it in its own right. Not against my personal opinion, but against itself, and if I have the background, in its context.<br />
<br />
I would always laugh (quietly) when people would comment on series romances and say: "Well, it's hardly literature!" And I would think <i>Why are you making this absurd comparison? N</i><i>either is The New York Times, but you probably read it every day.</i> Assess something in its own right, or against its peers, in its own context.<br />
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Of course everyone is entitled to their personal taste: I like this, I don't like that. I don't even have to have a reason. But that doesn't require any critical faculties or judgment, really. It's just your feeling, your opinion, requiring little beyond your capacity to express yourself.<br />
<br />
True criticism, in my opinion, is to put aside your personal tastes, your possibly narrow and judgmental vision of what is 'proper' or 'acceptable' or 'intellectually validated' and open your mind and heart to what the work itself is trying to achieve, how it relates to the history of material trying to achieve similar goals, and how it may succeed, fail, or break new ground.<br />
<br />
Mr Lane seems deeply respectful of the surreal, science fiction and absurdist vision of "The Lobster," but childishly, rudely dismissive and disrespectful of an comic-book based action adventure film (which, full disclosure, I very much enjoyed). It clearly wasn't deemed worthy of being assessed on its own merits, in the context of comic book action-adventure films, because Mr Lane's universe only validates things that are...? <br />
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Good question, and I can only speculate. His universe would contain things that are perceived to be intellectual. Certainly they must be difficult<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 12.0pt;">—</span>popularity and success are likely, by definition, unacceptable. In that world, it would be unimaginable to like someone lots of other people like, for that would weaken their self-vision of being extra-special. <br />
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But in fairness, I appreciate the desire of many reviewers and critics to support difficult and unpopular work, to take up the challenge to bring worthy material to the public eye. But then don't review popular stuff. And certainly don't dump on it in such a shallow and disrespectful way.<br />
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I realize that many critics and their readers delight in creating a polarized world of Good and Bad, but it lacks humanity, offers little insight, and seems...well, small.Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-40832749926999270232016-04-24T09:00:00.000-04:002016-05-23T19:06:23.054-04:00All about Eve<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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During a difficult dating phase in my youth (single and looking) I felt I'd set the bar for boy behavior about as low as it could go (on the ground).<br />
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But it kept being too high to clear in terms of what seemed like basic human decency. It was a bit depressing. At the time, I was thinking: WTF? (but without the acronym). <br />
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Indeed films of the era, like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An_Unmarried_Woman">Unmarried Woman</a>, confirmed that after dumping their wives of decades, guys mostly just traded in for a new model, whereas women were left holding the family together, coping with lost income, lost self-esteem, and taking a long and difficult journey to reconnect to their sense of self. <br />
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Guys remarried and started a fresh new replacement family, no remorse (though if the new wife turns out not to treat him quite as well as the earlier model, there may be some self-centered regret).<br />
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Males in general seemed to find a simpler way to negotiate the universe. Direct, uncomplicated, without self-doubt, self-questioning, able to dismiss mistakes and move on....Clueless. Happy.<br />
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Drove me crazy.<br />
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Then I thought about Genesis and how the Bible presents paradise as an innocent world. An ignorant world. Clueless. Happy.<br />
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Within that world view, the "Original Sin" that humankind is cursed with, is the sin of disobedience. Though what is particularly poignant is that when you look up "original sin," it is referenced as "Adam's sin" in eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. And as you know<span style="font-family: "\22 cambria\22 "; font-size: 16px;">—</span>per the Bible<span style="font-family: "\22 cambria\22 "; font-size: 16px;">—</span>Eve got there first and is vilified because of her actions. But in terms of <b>his</b>tory, it is his actions that are referenced, because, really, he's the only one that counts.<br />
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So I was thinking about the "curse," and that it was not just the "sin" of disobedience, but the declared "sin" of desiring the knowledge of good and evil. The desire to know more, to understand more, to open the door to information<span style="font-family: "\22 cambria\22 "; font-size: 16px;">—</span>with all its responsibilities, challenges and demands.<br />
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To stop being ignorant and be aware, accountable. To go beyond the self and not only appreciate your impact on others, but to acknowledge that you have choices. And that you are accountable for making those choices, and responsible for the consequences of your actions. <br />
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You have taken a bite, and the knowledge of good and evil is now inescapably part of who you are. It is a burden. It is a gift.<br />
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So during these difficult dating times, I wondered why women, on balance, seem to suffer more, be more aware, and often got the short end of the stick. It didn't seem fair. <br />
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But then I reflected on Genesis and was helped by the following insight: Eve took a bite of the apple from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil <i>before</i> Adam did. <br />
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And it seemed that that Eve's first mover status<span style="font-family: "\22 cambria\22 "; font-size: 16px;">—</span>in reaching greater awareness and thus greater responsibility, sometimes greater pain<span style="font-family: "\22 cambria\22 "; font-size: 16px;">—</span>were metaphorically (and actually) carried forward though life. Women are cursed<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 16px;">—</span>or blessed<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 16px;">—</span>with the ability to tell the difference between good and evil just a little bit sooner, a little bit more than most men.<br />
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That was a helpful metaphor for me in explaining the fact that women are usually just a bit ahead of the game in that area. <br />
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And even more helpful when I asked myself the big question: would you rather be blissfully ignorant and happy, or accept the burden of knowledge, even if it might bring unhappiness?<br />
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My answer: If I had a choice, I would bite the apple. Despite the cost, no question.<br />
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<br />Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-21365300528384074352016-03-29T15:15:00.001-04:002016-04-02T23:40:45.662-04:00Why I'm not rushing to see Batman Vs SupermanBad reviews? Don't be silly. Many reviewers don't value the things I value<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: JA; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">—</span>and often value things I don't, so a negative review, even a <i>lot</i> of negative reviews, may be irrelevant. To see <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJrs11fLq14">Tars Tarkas</a>? To hear <a href="http://en.tintin.com/personnages/show/id/18/page/0/0/bianca-castafiore">Bianca Castafiore</a> sing? Priceless.<br />
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So why the disinterest from someone who is fond of superheroes and comics? Here is my insight:<br />
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I am not into hierarchy.<br />
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I think of hierarchy as being mostly a guy thing, and pitting one superhero against another is certainly an appealing and oft indulged in device in comics. Bracketology is nothing but a drawn out hierarchical methodology. Everything has to "fight" everything else to establish a clear pecking order. But I don't enjoy this constant creation of winners and losers.<br />
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It is unappealing to me, even a bit depressing, as I often feel bad for the loser.<br />
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As Deborah Tannen notes in <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_Just_Don%27t_Understand">You Just Don't Understand</a></i>, male conversational styles default slightly to autonomy, sensitive to hierarchy. Women default to connection, team. This perhaps helps me understand why I love most of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Marvel_Cinematic_Universe_films">Avengers films,</a> where the initial challenge is assembling a reluctant team, bound by a mutual threat/need. Not to mention <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054047/">The Magnificent Seven</a>, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061578/">The Dirty Dozen</a>, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091217/">Hoosiers</a>, or <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0191397/">The Replacements </a>(you get the drift).<br />
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These stories demonstrate the difficulty of compromise, the need to be respectful<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: JA; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">—</span>indeed, appreciative<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: JA; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">—</span>of differences, the development of trust. And ultimately the powerful visual of how the team can (and will) succeed in ways that no one individual, however skilled, could ever have managed alone.<br />
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While Good Vs Evil is OK, I don't usually enjoy the winners and losers trope, though it's clearly appealing to many. Interestingly, team sports combine the value of team with hierarchy. And when we see a team, perhaps lacking in star power, win against the odds through their ability to work together, I think the delight we feel taps into that value.<br />
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There's an African proverb: You can go faster alone. But you go farther together.Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-49423014336285692662016-03-23T23:15:00.002-04:002016-03-24T12:20:15.181-04:00How many reels in your slot machine?<br />
I was listening to a friend who was feeling a frustrated by her significant other. She noted that everything was great, but.... And how much of a problem was that deficit?<br />
<br />
And the issue made me think of slot machines.<br />
<br />
You know how slot machines have big reels with many visual elements--from cherries to lemons, and all the fruit and symbols in between: melons, pineapples, plums, oranges, strawberries, lucky sevens. And the more reels you have--three, five, seven, or whatever random access the electronic versions allow--it becomes exponentially less likely those reels will line up and a payout or jackpot will be reached.<br />
<br />
And, over the years as I listened to single female friends, I realized that for some, the longer the wait, the more reels were being added to their required 'jackpot.' <br />
<br />
One friend had an increasingly long list of requirements: successful, well educated, attractive, interested, interesting, appealing social circle, and given her age, he would have to have had a substantial prior relationship (no 50+ perennial bachelors, please) yet ideally without a crazy ex-wife popping out of the woodwork. And if there were children: independent and delightful.<br />
<br />
Well, after a lot of pulling of levers and spinning of reels, things actually lined up (a widower, but enough years away from his loss to be ready to begin again, great adult children, everything else checked out). If seemed a miracle. Cha-ching! Payout.<br />
<br />
But ultimately, it didn't work out.<br />
<br />
Why? we wondered. Well, once all the external requirements had been met, suddenly the intangibles manifested themselves. Yes, those pesky feelings. And she said, everything was great, but "we didn't have emotional intimacy." And ultimately, that was the key element for her to make a lifetime commitment.<br />
<br />
Now, don't get me wrong, that connection is enormously important, perhaps one of the most important aspects that needs to be felt before you make that kind of commitment. But her realization didn't re-prioritize or diminish the importance of any of the other reels/requirements. I knew if she found someone she connected with, trusted, was capable of sharing herself with...he also needed to be successful, well educated, attractive, etc. Each additional reel or requirement added isn't just plus one. The incremental difficultly to get <i>all</i> those elements lined up is exponential.<br />
<br />
So it behooves us all to understand what is truly essential. What can't be compensated for. What can't be 'contracted out' or lived without. And try to let go of the rest, at least if you want a reasonable chance for a payout. <br />
<br />
Romances for me have always provided wonderful, illustrative stories of what appears important...and was is truly important. And by sharing the stories of the difficult process we have to go through to determine that complex algorithm for ourselves, they offer insight and examples. What is a worthwhile compromise? What offers a sense of balance, yet gives each party the essentials they need to thrive in the relationship?<br />
<br />
It is an endless and ever changing conundrum--and is it any wonder we hope for and delight to find a happy ending?<br />
<br />
I think not.Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-46133250167138825912016-01-24T00:36:00.003-05:002016-01-24T12:23:18.287-05:00It's all about....<br />
<div style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;">
<img class="irc_mi" height="149" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2d/1960_Borgward_H1500_Isabella_pic-001.JPG" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="200" /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial";">In Europe, there's a kind of
oval black and white </span><a href="http://www.worldstandards.eu/cars/oval-stickers/" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: #420178;">sticker</span></a><span style="font-family: "arial";"> people put on their cars to indicate
their country of origin: CH for Switzerland (fooled you, Confœderatio
Helvetica), NL for the Netherlands, D for Germany (Deutschland) etc.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This became a fad in the US with various stickers sporting state, airport and place abbreviations or codes. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So when walking down the street in a lovely town in Maine, the souvenir store showing a while oval with the black letters ME on seemed very much in keeping with the zeitgeist. But what was the tiny additional lettering at the top...? It read: </span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 12pt;">—</span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">it's all about </span></span><span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 12pt;">—</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ME</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">That pretty much sums up the default response to most of the human condition. It's why people were <a href="https://www.wsws.org/en/articles/2000/02/brun-f16.html">burned alive</a> for sharing the information that the earth revolved around the sun, and the universe did not, actually, revolve around us.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This realization has helped explain the advocacy for "Intelligent Design" over Evolution</span><span style="font-family: "cambria"; font-size: 12.0pt;">—</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a position that was basically incomprehensible to me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Evolution is a system based, more or less, on meritocracy. Those that survive have adapted most successfully to meet whatever challenges they face. In this perspective, the universe does not revolve around them; they must adapt to the 'universe.'</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So if people are uncomfortable with the uncertainty that vision espouses, or they aren't sure they would rise to the top of a meritocratic ladder, or they can't accept the uncomfortable acknowledgement that they are not the center of the universe, or they need a sense of certainty, it's a problem. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If for any reason they believe they would not measure up, or want to skip the uncertainty and just move to the front of the line, t</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">hey need to believe that Someone Out There will Favorite them (their definition of intelligence, of course). In a family context, basically, it's the happy belief that "Dad" likes them best (or whatever all-powerful deity you choose). Thus "Intelligent Design" addresses these uncomfortable-for-some issues.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And while this explanation may not be true for everyone, trying to understand the underlying needs for a belief can be a helpful tool in trying to understand when those beliefs that seem to fly in the face of established knowledge. Stop and consider: what are the often powerful emotional needs that may dictate that belief system? Reason, rationality, science has nothing to do with it. Indeed, if you ever want to appreciate the lack of "intelligence" that has gone into the somewhat random process of evolutionary "design," do take a look at Neil de Grasse Tyson's article in <a href="http://www.haydenplanetarium.org/tyson/read/2005/11/01/the-perimeter-of-ignorance">Natural History Magazine</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Simone de Beauvoir articulates the male and female roles of Self and Other in <a href="http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/secondsex/summary.html">The Second Sex</a>. And for me, one</span><span style="font-family: "\22 arial\22 " , "\22 helvetica\22 " , sans-serif;"> of the most powerful aspects of a romance is the evolution the characters undergo in the process of the story. The heroine often developing a stronger Self. The hero's realization that without the Other, he is not complete. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "\22 arial\22 " , "\22 helvetica\22 " , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "\22 arial\22 " , "\22 helvetica\22 " , sans-serif;">That it's really <i>not</i> all about ME.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-39030441545781667932015-12-23T12:21:00.000-05:002015-12-24T01:23:04.890-05:00Wishing you a Festive Holiday Season and a Happy New Year!I will not break into all the possible "holiday" options you might be experiencing (or not). Just like in Sleeping Beauty, if you try to invite "all" the fairies, you will be sure to leave one out, and the thirteenth fairy will come to your baby's christening and curse you all. So really, don't go there.<br />
<br />
I figure you can just wish anybody the best from wherever you are coming from. It's the only solid ground you have. So whatever you celebrate, wish that happiness on others. If you don't celebrate anything, then I believe Mr. Dickens has created "Bah, Humbug!" and it is available for use in any denomination.<br />
<br />
But I do like to note that the January 1 "New Year" is only one of several options.<br />
<br />
I am particularly fond of the Chinese New Year, as it involves animals and great yearly cards and ornaments, not to mention horoscopes. So just to alert you, Chinese New Year is February 8th. It is the <a href="http://www.chinesefortunecalendar.com/2016/" target="_blank">Year of the Monkey</a>. Apparently the Chinese Zodiac timing starts a bit before the New Year, on February 4th, and there is a further refinement of 5 elements (one more than other Zodiac of 4: Earth, Air, Fire, Water). Here the five elements are Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, Water. Apparently Air is not an essential element. Perhaps a mistake.<br />
<br />
So Happy Red Fire Monkey Year!<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-59349663402473888442015-11-26T11:17:00.000-05:002015-11-26T11:17:03.257-05:00Happy Thanksgiving!<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I've been prosthelytizing. I admit it. When I hear the words "Happy Holidays" in the days before Thanksgiving--mostly from service providers--I find myself earnestly preaching The Word. That is My Word. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"No! You don't need to be politically correct for this day! It is one of the special ones where we are all together as humans on American soil. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It is a secular holiday, without any divisive religious implications. You don't even have to be an American to be wished a Happy Thanksgiving. You just need to be in America and you are part of the team.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It is all about being thankful (and eating). I think we can all get behind that. The eating part is symbolic of one of the many things we are thankful for. The fact that the meal is shared with others, often family and friends, is another. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The classic Norman Rockwell painting we often see around Thanksgiving is just one of four paintings . celebrating the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Freedoms">four freedoms</a> articulated in Franklin D Roosevelt's January 6, 1941 State of the Union speech:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Freedom of Speech</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Freedom of Worship</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Freedom from Want</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Freedom from Fear</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Truly much to be thankful for.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thanks!</span>Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-15576731965377801832015-10-23T02:00:00.000-04:002015-10-24T11:51:19.394-04:00Make the best of it....<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<h1>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Make the best of it!</span></h1>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Don’t settle.</i></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Both are excellent pieces of advice. They also are
encouraging totally opposite behaviors.</span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are some that need to have a clear and single
answer. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They like to see issues in blac</span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">k and white—which is how most
media portrays things, given the selling properties of polarization and
conflict. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They may be averse to the necessity of having to think, to
become informed or to have to use their judgment. It always should be one
side...or the other.</span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Though the “answer” is that sometimes it’s one.
Sometimes it’s the other. <i>It depends.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However many are unwilling, uninterested—whatever—to
either think some things through deeply, personally, or they may not feel
comfortable being individually accountable for their decisions and actions. So
rather than make up their own mind, they select a prefabricated
off-the-rack package of attitudes and beliefs. Those packages carry a number of
different labels, often the name of a religion, political party—or perhaps a
broad blanket label (Conservative, Liberal), or a subset or sub-sect of any of
the aforementioned.</span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These packages have the benefit of being branded</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">—</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and that
may convey whatever specialness or relative perceived status brands convey.
Or the brands appeal may just be the comfort of being part of the team, the confidence that
many others agree with this version of reality. Hey, if you can feel
validated, differentiated and superior because you drink Miller Vs Budweiser,
marketing’s ability to differentiate the almost undifferentiate-able clearly is
compelling and effective with most humankind.</span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But it also must be acknowledged that most everybody is
willing to think deeply, personally, passionately about some things. They
can spend significant time analyzing information, parsing commentary, making
and defending their own decisions. They may delight in judging the
behavior of their friends or a celebrity. Or the quality of a meal or recipe.
The relative merit of cars. Perhaps it’s their football team, or baseball, or
hockey. The nuances can be the focus of endless hours of conversation: the
coaching, the players, the commissioner, the rules, with statistics and actions
lovingly referenced, often going back decades. Whatever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even someone with a clear black and white need for clarity
in some areas can, without any trouble, have the ability to see infinite shades
of gray in another.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So in many areas—often rather important ones (such as one’s
immortal soul), we take an off-the-shelf externally validated and branded
package, often without much examination. </span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But in other areas (such as one’s
sports team), we may be passionately individual, personally involved and
accountable, not trusting anyone else’s opinion about something so important as
who might make the playoffs. </span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But also (usually) not damning to hell for all
eternity anyone that does not agree with our beliefs in this area....<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And we are all like that, accepting some things wholesale,
others with far more skepticism and personal involvement. Tolerant of
differences...or intolerant.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What things do you “wear” off-the-rack? And what do you
design yourself?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or do you agree with F. Scott Fitzgerald that: “The test
of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind
at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” and perhaps are
able to move forward, sticking to your vision, </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">but...</i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">making the best of
it if circumstances indicate that an intransigent, uncompromising stance
is not working.</span></div>
</div>
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<span style="color: #101010; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-55959974838063297412015-09-23T00:20:00.000-04:002015-09-26T22:11:19.542-04:00How do you read?<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I
was discussing a book with a friend and commented that I still read like a
12-year-old. Then realized that comment might need a bit of explanation!</span><br />
<br />
For
me, that means that my reading experience—even after all these years and all
the books—is one of total immersion, utter commitment to the characters and
story. I believe in the characters—they are people to me—and I enter the
space they inhabit for the duration of the story.<br />
<br />
I
see authors and their work—or really any creator/creative act, whether it's
creating a story, a painting, a piece of music, a song—as having a similar
relationship as a parent might have in creating a child.<br />
<br />
Sure,
you've created it. And yes, you have significant responsibilities towards it,
and a deep connection with it. But it is not you. You do not own it. It has the
right to self actualize in the best way it can.<br />
<br />
Your
job as a creator is to enable it to be the best it can be. Not just on your
terms—though your role is a significant one—but to achieve the three part
balance: of what you have to offer, what the creation itself needs, and what is
needed to enable it to survive in "the world."<br />
<br />
So
to all the author/creators that incorporate helpful feedback—sometimes painful
to hear—a giant thank you for your dedication to making your "child"
the best it can be. For setting aside your ego for the sake of the work. And
the same in my experience goes for editors: for not bringing personal
preferences and agendas to the experience, but appreciating that your shared
role is to enable that "child" to be the best it can be and face a
challenging world with strength, self confidence, and the ability to withstand
"The Heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocks That Flesh is heir
to" (to quote Hamlet). There should be a balance that is ego free for
parent/creator, for editor/teacher, to be open to delivering, hearing and
incorporating what is best for the child/work.<br />
<br />
This
perception has helped me understand and believe in the value of the role of an
intelligent external opinion in the development of a work, and thus the
external party's 'right' to challenge the creator's vision if it doesn't feel
right, doesn't feel like it is best serving the work.<br />
<br />
But
my understanding of my reading style has also has helped me understand my own
often quite passionate dislike of a story! Yes, I am sorry to say the offending
work is often a very well reviewed, award-winning literary 'masterpiece.'<br />
<br />
I
realize that in 'literary' or groundbreaking stories authors can have a goal, a
point of view, something they wish to illustrate or challenge. And they
have chosen the compelling medium of storytelling to express that point. Their
characters and plot serve the author's vision. The character's lives,
their actions and reactions, the events that occur in the story may at any
point in time be subordinated to that Vision. Manipulated to do their
creator's bidding. The character's integrity, consistency, their very
selves are just a pawn to the author's desire to present an idea, to illustrate
a point, to surprise, to break new ground.<br />
<br />
I
know my horror and sense of betrayal is...well, perhaps naive. One could argue
that the author created these characters; surely he or she can do whatever she
likes to them? But for me, those characters are real, and they are not
being respected. It's like watching parents force their musical child to play
competitive sports, or harp on marriage for career minded one—or vice versa!<br />
<br />
Luckily
some stories deliver on both—offering profound insights, breaking new ground,
opening minds and hearts to a new perception though the humanity and vivid
evocation of their characters and the believability of their story. Those are
the stories I treasure.<br />
<br />
So just saying my recent foray into Pulitzer prize-winning
fiction has not been a very successful reading experience for me! But this
realization has also helped me understand why a good friend can totally adore a
story that I have found emotionally bankrupt—and enabled me to stop
thinking that my friend is an idiot! I now realize that we read
differently and derive sustenance and delight from different things.<br />
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">And
that's not a bad thing</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">.</span></div>
<br />Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-54202016104309297682015-08-22T18:42:00.004-04:002015-08-24T19:41:20.571-04:00Some sweeping generalizations and celebrating stereotypes:<br />
Copy line on movie ad (no, I can't remember the title) with armed woman: <b>Wife. Mother. Hero.</b><br />
<br />
Why is a women defined by her relation to others? Would any man be described as Husband. Father. Hero.? I don't think so. More like: Explorer. Visionary. Hero.<br />
<br />
It's all about what he does, who he is. Hers is about who she is connected to. That's why women traditionally have an honorific that links them to their male partner: Mrs. Or lack of partner: Miss. Vs men, who are just Mr. Their status as a partner is deemed irrelevant.<br />
<br />
For instance: a man does not need to be reminded to put his oxygen mask on first. His default is to think of himself first, others later. <i>And he expects others to think the same way</i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: JA; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">—</span>to first take care of themselves, then perhaps consider others. That may be why he doesn't thank you (you female person) for your selfless act. He thinks you're crazy. Or stupid. Or both. Or maybe just trying to ingratiate yourself with him, as he tends to think hierarchically, so sees favors in a transactional manner. Not that a man isn't capable of a selfless act, it's just an unlikely part of his daily routine.<br />
<br />
Women often think of others first, themselves last. For many that's their default (yes, even if they're not mothers). <i>And they expect others to think the same way</i>. And of course they (female people) take it personally (perhaps with a long-suffering sigh) when they discover there's no parity, and they're not very high on anyone else's list. Perhaps even more irritatingly, they may be thought of as being an idiot for taking care of others and not bothering to take care of themselves.<br />
<br />
Each sex is 'modeling' behavior that the other guy just isn't picking up. Neither is exactly right, but not entirely wrong, either. And it doesn't align.<br />
<br />
Men tend to see things hierarchically, competitively, with winners and losers, while women tend to be more collegial and consensus driven, focusing on making something work. (Hey, my title promised "Some sweeping generalizations and celebrating stereotypes," don't say I don't deliver!). Deborah Tannen's <a href="http://faculty.georgetown.edu/tannend/book_talking_from_9to5.html">Talking 9 to 5</a> offers some great stories of how these different basic assumptions can create miscommunication, misunderstanding and problems.<br />
<br />
In many cultures, women traditionally have had little to no direct power and have had to work with indirect power: influence, relationships, connections, being liked, finding people to partner with. For a woman, helping others, doing favors, etc. is often a way of establishing friendship and usually inspires thanks, gratitude and likely a return favor in response—if the recipient is a woman.<br />
<br />
But if the recipient is man, he may well see the gift as an effort to curry favor, confirming his status as the superior: the one to whom gifts and honor are due. Thanks are not necessary and no return gift would ever be given, as that would mean Giver and Givee were on the same level, which is <i>not</i> an acceptable idea when a hierarchy has just been established to Givee's satisfaction!<br />
<br />
Women may view support as a circular, mutually beneficial experience. For men, it is likely more linear, a bottom up effort to propitiate and curry favor of the leaders<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: JA; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">—</span>who may then have an obligation to protect their underlings. Like a feudal lord getting his due from his dependents, he will have to try to stave off the barbarian hordes if they show up, or build a walled city to protect them, but he's not partners with his serfs.<br />
<br />
You can see how misunderstandings and disappointments might abound!<br />
<br />
And why romance writers and romance readers are a necessary ingredient to our lives....<br />
<br />
Isabel Swift<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-64815277615086928192015-07-24T08:57:00.000-04:002015-07-24T09:13:26.591-04:00Character, personality, empathy, story...<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">How do you create compelling, distinct characters,
convey personality, create a sense of empathy, and tell a story...with a limited number of words?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">While I can't answer that question, I know it when I see it, feel it,
and thought you might enjoy this lovely example. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">We not only get to know
the four friends, but the narrator as well....</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 23px; line-height: 55px;">The Four Friends</span><br />
<div class="poem_body" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #141823; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ernest was an elephant, a great big fellow,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Leonard was a lion with a six foot tail,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />George was a goat, and his beard was yellow,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And James was a very small snail. <br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Leonard had a stall, and a great big strong one,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Earnest had a manger, and its walls were thick,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />George found a pen, but I think it was the wrong one,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And James sat down on a brick <br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Earnest started trumpeting, and cracked his manger,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Leonard started roaring, and shivered his stall,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />James gave a huffle of a snail in danger<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And nobody heard him at all. <br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Earnest started trumpeting and raised such a rumpus,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Leonard started roaring and trying to kick,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />James went on a journey with the goats new compass<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />And he reached the end of his brick. <br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Ernest was an elephant and very well intentioned,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Leonard was a lion with a brave new tail,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />George was a goat, as I think I have mentioned,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />but James was only a snail.</span></div>
<div class="poem_body" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #141823; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="poem_body" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #141823; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> A. A. Milne (1882-1956)</span></div>
<div class="poem_body" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #141823; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="poem_body" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #141823; font-size: 15px; line-height: 27px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-48391796521299088652015-06-23T23:32:00.000-04:002015-06-23T23:32:05.279-04:00In my day...I was looking for a pair of normal jeans and not having much luck. So I went into the giant Levi shop (All Levis All The Time) filled with hope! Surely Levi would be able to deliver a pair of regular jeans.<br />
<br />
Think again.<br />
<br />
Fabric dark, cheap feeling, and like ever other jean product available on the market "stylishly" torn, big holes at knees or strange white blobs of wear on the legs in places that would never, naturally, get worn. <br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGwdKh5Volx_bCD2wzK6sS_BzQP4OzJUFZxchMgv3FOdbnF0Q2i0HSNJCRiK4ZeeLF01Jjpl_dkesHxEc9U2b0ZErOMMWHrNP5OWU3pcSMi9PstlSqXOZbaMTM7a9-JcA8SfootA/s1600/IMG_7083.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGwdKh5Volx_bCD2wzK6sS_BzQP4OzJUFZxchMgv3FOdbnF0Q2i0HSNJCRiK4ZeeLF01Jjpl_dkesHxEc9U2b0ZErOMMWHrNP5OWU3pcSMi9PstlSqXOZbaMTM7a9-JcA8SfootA/s200/IMG_7083.jpg" width="117" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZQbn8G1dHpTAJP6UkUo2aHDv1vOnV5A6MzmhPCPVvmlq7bE4fm8LZIPGALbNxUPxxCYzI_qUejNfdotmEqz-ROOj3LSFCuykKphloIWRH0uFeyxqjOqByLkVxG_4hUXvg4gxlQQ/s1600/IMG_7079.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZQbn8G1dHpTAJP6UkUo2aHDv1vOnV5A6MzmhPCPVvmlq7bE4fm8LZIPGALbNxUPxxCYzI_qUejNfdotmEqz-ROOj3LSFCuykKphloIWRH0uFeyxqjOqByLkVxG_4hUXvg4gxlQQ/s200/IMG_7079.jpg" width="115" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn5Z_Ccu_y9HA21pMyunt5LUieatSvf03mB5zRPXXfMnD-VflFvSXeUH92d4bog_5d8n_4IFa20OqArn2FzJb3y5QuYdlH99osicgizSK0nL1jKCOcET4AnyxvTstytcowyiE1lA/s1600/IMG_7080.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn5Z_Ccu_y9HA21pMyunt5LUieatSvf03mB5zRPXXfMnD-VflFvSXeUH92d4bog_5d8n_4IFa20OqArn2FzJb3y5QuYdlH99osicgizSK0nL1jKCOcET4AnyxvTstytcowyiE1lA/s200/IMG_7080.jpg" width="110" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwrDJWBnOXL6Vdi61f6FLYRH5mV0rrLFA4TwTVZJpGDOHSg_d3KTVTkVFYDjLgdcTMix1D3OSogt_bOgKlV66qAdTStN57jE2iWlxhzfcWbV8DAT2cFocelwXa48aAVmAwMktYVg/s1600/IMG_7095+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwrDJWBnOXL6Vdi61f6FLYRH5mV0rrLFA4TwTVZJpGDOHSg_d3KTVTkVFYDjLgdcTMix1D3OSogt_bOgKlV66qAdTStN57jE2iWlxhzfcWbV8DAT2cFocelwXa48aAVmAwMktYVg/s200/IMG_7095+%25281%2529.jpg" width="134" /></a></div>
<br />
Or multiple peculiar holes all over, as if they'd been left hanging in some automatic weapons firing range and had been peppered good. Or both...<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEwhTejvJ3LD5uJY53q3GBGak_Qloqa1rrCVpqnW2-8NMUwpRu7J1qVE2QgtpEKvqSw0xZbejmb7C9yAyF1k27wavB8G_BZNzNervTF827maVDnv2YmhtTcYDwHHLvmaXBWF3L4g/s1600/IMG_7078.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEwhTejvJ3LD5uJY53q3GBGak_Qloqa1rrCVpqnW2-8NMUwpRu7J1qVE2QgtpEKvqSw0xZbejmb7C9yAyF1k27wavB8G_BZNzNervTF827maVDnv2YmhtTcYDwHHLvmaXBWF3L4g/s200/IMG_7078.jpg" width="123" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBjGhi42eNR8cjqd7f7z81EML09IXJmIWezdcHkD7wmh4nNxp6GMu0MyZ1IpKIOp6685cRRWjEometiRX-qBoxuGwi3hEGHVuFpt3Lapu8uoYLj9qjXdOpApHgs2Ehwz6I_rcODw/s1600/IMG_7091.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBjGhi42eNR8cjqd7f7z81EML09IXJmIWezdcHkD7wmh4nNxp6GMu0MyZ1IpKIOp6685cRRWjEometiRX-qBoxuGwi3hEGHVuFpt3Lapu8uoYLj9qjXdOpApHgs2Ehwz6I_rcODw/s200/IMG_7091.jpg" width="119" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnPx9lcqtrdN9ttprwUe6GWj4HQZWmor1ThrRownJp5fnGiwgnrrhjMclqPFuYFubFglAf20MpUBAOY1-kiY2EkaiTu2dtC95xlSQgydeKgybnnZU2HjMYXCOYnjMndIHq1BLMyg/s1600/IMG_7077.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnPx9lcqtrdN9ttprwUe6GWj4HQZWmor1ThrRownJp5fnGiwgnrrhjMclqPFuYFubFglAf20MpUBAOY1-kiY2EkaiTu2dtC95xlSQgydeKgybnnZU2HjMYXCOYnjMndIHq1BLMyg/s200/IMG_7077.jpg" width="112" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHwHbhYEHrLNTVPt8pSGmhwqWQm3YTVTrU4_mvhXmCmQAdPVjiBmDU0y08FmEc2RY2UPu7z7tMrLB-TdFws60dwDa2fnaIwjkCoZi1zpuLtm0ai88nIXG76Glwg8k723h4o7bb4g/s1600/IMG_7093.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHwHbhYEHrLNTVPt8pSGmhwqWQm3YTVTrU4_mvhXmCmQAdPVjiBmDU0y08FmEc2RY2UPu7z7tMrLB-TdFws60dwDa2fnaIwjkCoZi1zpuLtm0ai88nIXG76Glwg8k723h4o7bb4g/s200/IMG_7093.jpg" width="124" /></a></div>
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<br />
I look at the young clerk and confessed: "You know, I just feel it is <i>my</i> job to wear out my own jeans. It doesn't seem right to have it contracted out to some machine or child laborer."<br />
<br />
He nodded sympathetically. (The customer is always right).<br />
<br />
Yes, <i>in my day </i>we had active lives. We did stuff. We wore holes in our jeans without any outside help. Yep, not even from our disinterested non-helicopter parents.<br />
<br />
Our jeans were <i>authentic. Artisanal. </i>Indeed the work was just about as <i>local</i> as you could get. <br />
<br />
When you look at the language being used now to market and enhance our present possessions, foods and lifestyle, beneath the words, you can hear this wild, inchoate cry against the virtualness of much of our present existence: instant, effortless, convenient. But somehow insubstantial, unsatisfying. <br />
<br />
Unearned.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-48122802574096670882015-05-24T10:34:00.000-04:002015-05-24T10:36:03.386-04:00There are two kinds of people in the world...<br />
As the joke goes: One: people who think there are two kinds of people, and Two: people who don't.<br />
<br />
Yes, exactly!<br />
<br />
There are a myriad of kinds of people, but there are often strong dividing principals around a specific point that offer insight into choices, opinions, actions. <br />
<br />
The classic example is that there are Lumpers and Splitters: those that habitually aggregate things (information, whatever) into piles, and label those collective piles. <br />
<br />
Or people who see things as individual, unique elements that are distinct. <br />
<br />
You can see the pros and cons of each. The efficiency (and inaccuracy) of Lumping. The time-consuming inefficiency (and greater accuracy) of splitting. <br />
<br />
We all are Lumpers and Splitters in different areas of our lives.<br />
<br />
We tend to be Splitters in areas of interest or importance to us, knowing and delighting in the myriad nuanced differences of a "thing," be it horror movies, romance novels or football. For many, the sentence, "I don't watch horror movies (any films)/read romance novels (books)/like football (sports)" dismisses the entire genre (or the entire medium, in a bigger Lump). Often accompanied by a dismissive, "They're all the same."<br />
<br />
But to a fan, a Splitter, interest and knowledge in something transforms your world from black-and-white (yes/no) into a universe of color like in the movie The Wizard of Oz.<br />
<br />
So for example, Lumpers might roll all scary movies into a ball of "horror" and make blanket statements about them. <br />
<br />
But to a Splitter, there are many types of horror<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">—</span>per <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/84666-the-3-types-of-terror-the-gross-out-the-sight-of" target="_blank">Steven King</a> there are three: the gross-out; the unnatural; terror. But other Splitters parse it differently: supernatural/unnatural; slasher/splatter; disaster. All usually include elements of suspense, fear, mystery. And there is a truly infinite number of varieties on these themes with strong opinions and preferences for individual types.<br />
<br />
As a fan of romances novels, I will keep myself under control, simply noting that three initial Splits could be contemporary, historical, fantasy. But each one of those then can be subdivided into suspense, paranormal, mystery, sexy, sweet, and so on. Again, with an infinite number of sub-genres, mixing and matching to please different palates.<br />
<br />
Football<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">—</span>while seeming for some of us to be "all the same" (bunch of guys running up and down a patch of "turf" in matching outfits, trying to move an inanimate object in one direction or another)<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">—in</span> fact is also full of subtlety. You heard it here first! Coaches, owners, players, injuries, penalties, sanctions, criminal investigations, finances, fans and more all contribute an ever-shifting kaleidoscope of the game.<br />
<br />
There are many circumstances where we simply have to Lump. We can't retain, effectively present or make decisions when we consider all the complexity of a large number of things. A business presentation starts with an "Executive Summary" offering in a single paragraph, the top-line conclusions of what may be a lengthy and nuanced piece of work.<br />
<br />
We often judge others by a single action (perhaps cheating) and label and Lump the person a cheater. <br />
<br />
But really, their action may have been specific, isolated in a particular situation, or an area they deem gray, (low level fudging on their expense report ) whereas other areas may be scrupulously black and white (the integrity of their work, their commitment to their job).<br />
<br />
Lump it. Split it. But don't dump on either one....<br />
<br />
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Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-2733726982528149312015-04-24T02:32:00.002-04:002015-04-24T02:34:46.844-04:00Romance Writer's "Research"<br />
Can we address the absurd queries about romance authors doing "research," nudge, nudge, wink wink? Does anyone ask mystery or horror writers how many people they had to disembowel before they could write their story? I don't think so.<br />
<br />
(And of course, there is the fact that if they answered, they'd have to kill you).<br />
<br />
It's also delightfully contradictory, as others often accuse romances as being utterly unrealistic stories--that also apparently must be based on personal experience. Hmmmm. You must choose one or the other, but you really can't have both those complaints simultaneously.<br />
<br />
There is a dictum: <i>write what you know,</i> but luckily, it's not a requirement. <br />
<br />
Write what you can imagine. <br />
<br />
Write what you think about, care about, fantasize about, dream about. <br />
<br />
Write to explore what you don't fully understand. <br />
<br />
Write to open minds, to touch hearts.<br />
<br />
It's called fiction because you make it up...Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-84161915216591098112015-03-24T05:30:00.002-04:002015-05-05T00:32:50.267-04:00Power corrupts... <div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
“Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Lord Acton</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
Well, no, actually.<br />
<br />
Power allows existing personality traits to manifest themselves--it may enhance, but it doesn't create the traits.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
Naturally military dictators willing to kill and crush all opposition to achieve power aren't likely to be the nicest of people. They are <i>already</i> "corrupt." Though they may have initially put on a mask of niceness to get support, the moment they achieve their goals, the mask falls and their basic dictatorial personality is manifest. Absolute power does not corrupt them--it is simply an enabler to allow a preexisting condition to express itself.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, since they themselves are quite unpleasant people--willing to do anything to achieve power--they often assume everyone else is the same, and can be quite paranoid. And to paraphrase the joke, just because they are paranoid doesn't mean they are not hated and that everyone is indeed out to get them. Again, the traits were all there to start off with, power is not the cause, though it does enable the effects.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
But examine people that have not acquired power through force. Look at people who were born into power--kings and queens--to see how the opportunities that absolute power offers is always transformed by the personality in power throughout history. Even though England's present royalty doesn't have much actual power, you just know that Prince Charles would not go around beheading people (except for a few architects perhaps) if he had absolute power. There's even variety in dictators, Stalin, Tito, Castro all present quite different profiles in power.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
Even the "power" of modern day celebrities demonstrates a great deal of variety. Some achieve power through talent and/or luck, not trampling on others (actors Vs reality TV stars). Some actors are clearly total egocentric jerks (and worse), using and abusing their spotlight. Others clearly are fairly normal human beings.<br />
<br />
So don't blame power. It's just a door opener to the jerk within...<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
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Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-1180637545631860872015-02-24T00:02:00.002-05:002015-02-24T00:26:11.190-05:00The Bully Pulpit <br />
Did you know that Emerson's <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-Reliance" target="_blank">saying</a> is "A <i>foolish</i> consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds," <i>not</i>, as I had heard for many years (and found very confusing), 'Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.'<br />
<br />
I understand that rigid adherence to consistency can be problematic<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">—</span>following the letter Vs the spirit of a law or requirement can be absurd. <br />
<br />
But in general some level of consistency seems like a good thing. Inconsistency can be unfair. It's untrustworthy, can be arbitrary and impossible to work with or depend on.<br />
<br />
So when someone is strongly endorsing some belief and presenting the profound rightness of their opinion and the unbelievable wrongness of alternative positions—when they demand that others change their minds and believe whatever the speaker believes, it begs the question whether that declared "truth" is adhered to consistently across the board by its passionate advocate.<br />
<br />
That only seems fair, right?<br />
<br />
Some people are convinced that their belief trumps all others. And that everyone that believes differently is wrong<i>,</i> bad, indeed evil. They believe that any action to convert or convince others of the error of their ways is justified, and if unconvinced, exterminating the unbelievers is a justifiable solution (figuratively or literally).<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, that applies to many early versions of present religions<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; font-size: 17px;">—</span>I'm thinking the Crusades and the Inquisition, for example<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; font-size: 17px;">—</span>and for some, this attitude remains true to this day.<br />
<br />
Bullies and bullying are not just in playgrounds or schools, they are all around us. And like those bullied children, we rarely have the courage to stand up to them or call them out. In fact, we can be complicit. For even as we cheer at watching a triumph-of-the-underdog story, we delightedly click on some over-the-top hate-filled rant, or pillory someone for a politically incorrect faux pas.<br />
<br />
Indeed bullies seeking the public eye often gravitate towards a position that is on the moral high ground, so they are given a pass on their bullying behavior. They are "saving" some unarguably sympathetic element that cannot speak for itself<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; font-size: 17px;">—</span>and thus cannot reject its self-appointed "savior" as a self-serving, manipulative bully (e.g. animals, children, environment, etc.). Their statements of caring are specious and inconsistent<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial; font-size: 17px;">—</span>they talk and talk, but do not walk the walk.<br />
<br />
If they truly cared about what they so passionately claim, what other behaviors might we reasonably expect them to exhibit? What are they actually doing to meaningfully help those they are the alleged advocates and supporters of? <br />
<br />
For the most part they just like to dictate to others how to live their lives. But no matter how many flags they wrap themselves in, or selfie halos they snap on, they are bullies, and there is no practice to their preaching.<br />
<br />
Just how consistent are they? Really, that's not a foolish question.Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-83086965543731566932015-01-24T00:53:00.001-05:002015-02-24T14:22:29.798-05:00The Court of Public Opinion<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I learned one thing when I served on a jury.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, in fairness, I learned more than one thing, but one thing really did stand out, and I've never forgotten it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Perhaps because it was so obvious. Perhaps because at the time, the people I shared my revelation with felt that it should hardly have been a revelation. And perhaps it shouldn't have been. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But OMG it is something I truly wish everyone actually felt was not only obvious, but something they should live by on a daily basis.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My particular case was excruciatingly boring and interminable (yes, even the Judge went to sleep once), but the experience truly reinforced the home truth: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don't judge before you have heard both sides. Really. Don't.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now in life, you often don't have the opportunity to hear both sides. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So pop quiz: what shouldn't you do? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Correct: don't come down on a final judgement. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sure you can have an opinion, but acknowledge that you're shooting from the hip and your aim and accuracy will suffer for it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Of course, it is fun to judge others</span><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">—</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">it can be enormously satisfying and quite entertaining</span>
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<!--StartFragment--><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">—</span></b><!--EndFragment--><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">but not if you start to take yourself and the numerous equally uninformed others seriously. If you plan to make a serious judgment you have to investigate all sides and unemotionally do your homework. And it's hardly reasonable to take other opinions seriously unless they've listened to all sides and done their homework, right? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But reason doesn't seem to have much cachet right now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A favorite childhood tale was a friend who had a somewhat...difficult relationship with her older brother. Her favorite method of pulling his chain was to wallop him, then shout, "Mommy, Johnny's hitting me!!!!" Mom would, naturally arrive just in time to see <i>with her own eyes </i>Johnny retaliating, and send him off, no excuses. Eyewitness account!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our judge instructed us in our role as a jury, noting that it was up to us to discern the truth from the information we were given. "Ask yourself," he requested, "<i>why</i> someone is saying something. Figure out what their motives might be, what the repercussions might be, and assess the information accordingly." (Like: will it sell more papers? Get hits? Go viral? Make me famous? Yes? Think about it.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Good advice.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But in this self-obsessed, self-revelatory, boundary-less world of private/public yammering, everyone is a self-anointed judge, jury and executioner. That is until someone points out the accused wasn't even there, or the visuals were utterly misinterpreted, or the victim was actually the perpetrator</span><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">—</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">or vice versa. Oops!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;"><i>Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. </i>[Matthew 7:1-2]</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">I appreciate the power of stories, books, films</span></span><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">—</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">whatever</span></span><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">—</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">to put us in the shoes of those pilloried by public opinion. And, I hope, offer us some insight and restraint in controlling our own often irrational and thoughtless behavior. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">Bullying isn't just the province of the young.</span></span>Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27126042.post-19284564531357859362014-11-24T20:17:00.000-05:002015-05-05T00:31:51.430-04:00You’re Welcome….<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I know I will sound nostalgic
for those putative good-old-days, but I must voice my ongoing surprise that in
a time when communication has never been easier—email, text, SMS, phone,
letters, c’mon, you don’t even need to actually waste time speaking to someone—there
is a profound lack of what seems to me to be basic courtesy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">There's often no acknowledgement of information received,
thanks for an event attended, confirmation of receipt of package or card.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Emoticons were invented for the terminally
inarticulate—a heart, a smiley face, or just thx—but don’t hold your breath.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 19px;">I have a great 1942 edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-size: 19px;">It notes in the front pages that </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“This book is manufactured under wartime conditions in conformity with all government regulations controlling the use of paper and other materials.”</i><span style="font-size: 19px;"> The book is filled with excellent advice in general, and timely advice on how to bake a wedding cake by borrowing friend's ration cards for butter.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-size: 19px;">Belt tightening indeed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I thought I would share an
excerpt from a delightful book titled:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Good Form:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Manners, Good and Bad,
at Home and in Society © 1890, p. 31.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yes, that’s the kind of book my friends give me!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> While it's not about acknowledgement, I found it a powerful reminder of what seems so missing from our discourse.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<h3>
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; text-transform: uppercase;">Good and bad manners in conversation</span></h3>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“Unfortunately, it is
sometimes the man 'who don't know that he don't know,' who is most
insistent upon being listened to. This fault is not confined to men, however.
It is the ignorant who are inhospitable to another's opinions. Entertaining
alien views long enough to judge them fairly is not adopting them, anymore than
it is including a person in one’s family to ask him to dinner. The scoffer at any
seriously formulated judgment shows bad manners. Another bad mannered person is
the one who boldly or baldly contradicts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Dissent is allowable if cautiously expressed, but denial or contempt is
bad form.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those who differ from each
other in opinions, are in very bad form if they cannot meet in society and find
harmonious topics upon which to speak to each other.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">But I realize that in
addition to sex, conflict sells, and when you’re looking to gain, retain and
monetize an audience, the Xtreme, the outrageous and polarizing positions
capture our attention, our time and our clicks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Unfortunately, we often even believe it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">On the positive side, I would
note that Jon Stewart usually displays a level of tact and decorum that might
be a model for a 21<sup>st</sup> Vs 19<sup>th</sup> Century self presentation. And worth channelling as we head for those fabulous family meals....!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Thanksgiving is a good time
to say<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Thank you.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
Isabel Swifthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10973619994786192444noreply@blogger.com0