Monday, September 24, 2012

The burden of specialness

Did you catch the David McCullough Jr (son of) "You are not special" graduation speech?

In some follow up interviews he speaks about his goals in taking his position that resonated with me:  the burden of specialness.

Watching friends whoperhaps compensating for the lack of desired adulation from their own parentslavish their offspring with encouragement and praise, and are resentful towards anyone (teachers, employers, friends) who are critical.

Their goal is to inspire and empower their children.  But these aspirational goals, this barrage of belief their progeny's exceptionalness, is a heavy burden.

It can make every success a failure, because it can never be remarkable enough.  If there ever is something exceptional, then really, it's just what is expectednothing remarkable about that!  It makes failure unacceptable, a betrayal of their parent's faith, something to hide, to be ashamed of.  Not good.

For all those who were dumped on and discouraged in their formative years, rethink your resentments.  If you were strong enough, motivated enough to defy assumptions, to fight for  your own dreams, than every step was a triumph.  The desire to "show" others how wrong they were about you may have lead you to excell in remarkable ways.  Your victories are your own, fought for and won in the teeth of opposition.

Perhaps it is logical to think that it would be easier to achieve success if those barriers were eliminated, but the barriers are what buids and ensures the strength and the motivation to succeed. The challenges we face and overcome in the race to win are the cause of our success. Not what prevents success.

Consider it in physical termsno one trains successfully to win a race by having their coach move the finish line closer to the start. 

The word "burden" reminds me of Pilgrim's Progress, read many years ago.  Our burdens can indeed sink us into the Slough of Despond.  And a positive burden can be just as heavy as a negative one.

Let them go and find your own path....

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