Saturday, April 08, 2017

Do you think you can control yourself?

That is one of my favorite lines from early dating days.  If you are of the female persuasion, you may have had similar early experiences.

The scenario:  Boy from work holding a similar lowly position as your own asks you out.  You know him, have a friendly relationship, he seems OK, cute, but not someone you're really interested in.  Still, why not?  So off you go to...movies? inexpensive dinner? (nobody's making much money at this point).  Casual, perfectly nice.  But then.  Moves are made.

And I'm sure I'm not alone in demonstrating that girl-like kindness of allowing a kiss, because refusing it would be just too meanthis is someone you'll see at work the next day, and really, what harm is there in being gracious (and perhaps a bit of...who knows? Maybe it will surprise me?).

And I'm equally sure I'm not alone in experiencing that startled Ugh moment of suddenly finding your mouth filled with someone else's tongue.

Even boys will know the feeling if they have ever slurped a raw oyster and realized that their choice was really far too large to take in one go, and that now your mouth is filled with something substantial, moist and unappealing. It's like that, although sometimes it wiggles about a bit.

After managing to extract the tongue & back off, I moved into the classic: 'This is not a good idea, we work together, it would be awkward, I like you & don't want to risk our friendship, etc. etc." The truth...but not the complete truth.  He took that in thoughtfully, consideringly, and earnestly asked:

"Do you think you can control yourself?"

Dear Reader, yes.  I said I thought I could.

But it opened a door for me regarding the difference between boys and girls (and please note that in my lexicon, males & females remain either a boy or a girl for the rest of their life).  And it's a difference that is both acknowledged culturally, commercially, personally, and legally in a thousand ways, but is also unacknowledged and invisible in many ways.

For the most part, girls just don't have a problem "controlling themselves."  Really, it's usually not hard for (most of) us.

But it's clearly harder for most boysyou only have to look at various religious requirements, cultural norms, and startling actions to acknowledge that really, examples of reversing the situation would  be hard to find.

This is just anecdotal, but I've simply never read a story of a woman coming across a drunk and unconscious man and having her way with him.  Sure, there are logistic issues that make it tough, but I would posit that the compelling desire just isn't there.

If the Navy were run by women, I just don't think they'd be as tempted by meals, alcohol and a bunch of prostitutes. Maybe something else? Instant weight loss? A full night's sleep? Those would indeed be temptingwe're only human!

Women don't seem to require that men wrap themselves from top to toe to ensure that our massive libidos don't get out of control. Indeed many religions seem to have determined that the sight of a woman', eyes, face, collarbones, arms, legs, or just spending timea meal perhapswith them in the presence of alcohol appear to be simply more than any man can handle.

These religions (surely unnecessary to note that these religions are all invented by men and have men as their gods) clearly believe that men really can't control themselves.  Or perhaps more accurately, shouldn't have to control themselves.  Everyone else (aka women) need to accommodate their weakness.  You get the picture (but DON'T look!). Christians, Muslims, Jews, whatever.  Sad.

So I would just like to take a moment to give a big shout-out to those millions (and I do mean millions) of guys that clearly have iron control, and  are able to live their livesseemingly fairly effortlesslywandering about with countless heads full of women's hair all about them, seeing women's faces, looking at scantily clad female bodies, even going so far as to eat a meal with them, and continuing to behave as normal human beings among other normal human beings, even though those other human beings are in fact female human beings.

You guys are amazing.  Really.  My hat's off to you (and I know I am safe in taking my hat off and exposing my hair because...well, you CAN control yourself). Thank you.  Really.

But all of this gave me a new insight into male homophobia! If all those religious sects endorse the fact that men have no self-controlor at least no obligation to exert itto the point that they cannot be alone with a woman who is not their wife, cannot look at a woman's hair, cannot sit beside a woman, etc. etc. then what if the MAN they are sitting beside is...filled with uncontrollable thoughts about THEM! 

Think about it.



Robin Olson said...

My dentist was recently arrested, taken from his office in handcuffs, for raping a female patient while she was sedated! Maybe spending an hour actually inside her mouth pushed him over the self control edge.

Isabel Swift said...

Wow! Hope he used a condom. Luckily I have a girl dentist...

Robin Olson said...

No he didn't -- that's how they have the DNA evidence to back her up. Oddly, he's 47 and she's 56, so I guess he didn't think he needed one. Do many rapists use them, do you think? Anyway, the takeaway is that we know how to have a really bad day here in Bellefonte. The poor woman was raped AND had a root canal in a single day.

Isabel Swift said...

Well, hope the root canal worked and the effort to inseminate did not. And that AIDS & STDs are not in her future either....! Ugh.

Anne Marie said...

HOW DID I MISS THIS UNTIL NOW? Thank you, thank you. Laughed so hard I spit out my drink. I could literally hear your oh-so-reasonable tones in every sentence.

Isabel Swift said...

Anne Marie, thank you! Next time I see you I owe you a drink....

GRSshoes said...

Nice post.