Friday, October 16, 2020

Selfchat

I'm coining the term.  This is a vital arrow in the quiver of personal comfort, offering not only the feeling of being listened to, but of having someone who knows you well on your side.

We're in lockdown--at least some of us non-essential non-workers are.  We're spending a lot of time with another person. Or alone. Which is worse?  Don't answer that--there is no single answer, it depends.

Whatever--selfchat is exactly what you need.  You might think it was only necessary or helpful when you're alone.  No.  It can be even more valuable for harmony and happiness when you're with another.

Yes, you're right.  There is an old-fashioned term that now feels loaded, fillled with negative connotations, shame, worthlessness--indeed "craziness".  We eschew this attitude, along with the naming and shaming.  We are not, as those out-of-it unawares might say "talking to myself."  We are enjoying a selfchat.

With selfchat, you always know someone is listening--and listening both attentively and sympathetically!  

Selfchat is there to acknowledge a good idea, an achievement, a game effort that may not have turned out quite as planned, nice try! Or a moment of clarity, an insight. It's a Yes! you're on it, looking good, almost there, you go girl!

But selfchat also is there for you in your confusion and uncertainty--what the hell was that? Why did that happen? Where did I put it?  I know I put it there, where is it?  Why is it hiding from me? Was it because I said it wasn't my favorite?  Come out, you're in the top ten favorites. Why can't I ever remember that! Wha--!?

Selfchat is also there to galvanize you, to demand action, to address an issue, fix a problem, and Just Do It.  C'mon, how hard could it be?  Focus! Get it done.  Now. What do you need to do first? You can't get something to eat until you finish this. Well, you should have thought of that before....

Selfchat is not universally positive, it seeks to inspire, instruct but most essentially: acknowledge.  

Out loud, so you can hear it.  Saying something out loud allows you to bear witness to yourself.  When something is heard, it goes into your ear canal and is processed differently than an inchoate internal feeling.  When you hear something out loud, that means someone is talking to you, telling you something they think you should hear.  And you should listen.  And you usually do!

Even if you're not alone, it's doubtful that whomever you're with will notice, express sympathy, give you just the right amount of encouragement, sympathy, inspiration...acknowledgement, that is hoped for, needed, on occasion: craved.  It's just not going to happen--certainly not 100% of the time.  

That's where selfchat steps into the breach.  

Stop waiting for the perfect comment or response--you know exactly what it is: say it.

1 comment:

Moneeba Idrees said...
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